I don't like January. I'm not particularly fond of February or August, but this isn't about them. This is about January.

I've never liked January. November and December can get away with being cold and rainy and icy and snowy because they offer lights and delicious food and Christmas trees. January offers none of these things. January is cold and dark, and you have to take the holiday decorations down. Taking the tree down and putting the ornaments away is never as fun as putting it all up. Instead of eating sugar cookies and pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes, January just wants us to munch on carrot sticks and hit the gym. In December we get to exchange gifts, in January we're supposed to think of resolutions. Usually those resolutions are forgotten by February, but in January we have to face busy gyms and feel guilty when we realize we're probably not going to learn French by December 2009.

Even without the post-holiday blues and Resolution frenzy January is an inferior month. You have to get used to writing the new year whenever you write out the date, something you never get the hang of until at least mid-February. Students have to go back to school (wait - I don't feel sorry for them). January means it's winter (the rainy season) and there's nothing to break the monotony (the clouds) until spring. The Super Bowl is usually in January, so it has that going for it if you like watching millions of dollars spent on grown men hitting each other and commercials for mediocre products (I don't care if your new can has a wider mouth or a freshness sensor, it's still Coors Light). At least Super Bowl parties usually feature tasty snacks. But then if your New Year's Resolution is to eat healthier and lose weight, January just comes back to smack you in the face again.

So, thanks, January. Gone are holiday lattes and sparkly lights. January is cold, dark and hungry. You know what? I'm stocking up on peppermint hot chocolate and leaving up my Christmas tree until March.