Twilight? More Like TwiDON'T.

So, I saw the movie "Twilight" this afternoon.

Not that my expectations were high, but, wow - that was a waste of $7.50. Admittedly, I haven't read the books and I'm not a teenage girl so I'm not the demographic the film is aiming for, but it was bad.

It was bad for a lot of reasons: the dialogue was terrible ("I watch you sleep because I find it fascinating" and "I knew three things for sure: Edward is almost certainly a vampire, he wants to drink my blood, and I love him", the music was terrible (Dear Twilight Music People: The Original 90210 Season 2 wants its standard high school scene background music back), and the story had more flaws than an episode of One Tree Hill. For example, for some inexplicable reason the Cullens (the vampire family) continue to repeat high school. They are going to be 17 for, well EVER, yet they keep going to high school. Wouldn't they fit in better in college? Or just hang out in their sweet house in the woods? Also, how do they afford their lifestyle? The "father" is a doctor, yes, but he's been paying for them for the last century and he's the only one who has a job. The rest just have to go to high school and date each other. Yes - they date each other (don't worry, they're not real family. Just random people made into vampires.). Finally, would a family of vampires really be that accepting to allow a human into their home and hang out with them? I've seen "The Lost Boys". Humans dating vampires = humans becoming vampires. Blood sucking Brady Bunch, anyone?

Finally, vampires don't sparkle when they are in direct sunlight. They burn or spontaneously combust. Sparkle, really? That's the best you could do "Twilight"?

I also have some issues with the themes in the story. It's more or less a Romeo and Juliet story: star-crossed lovers, forbidden love, intense love, all that. And, as to be expected, Bella, the Juliet in this story, is ready to give up everything for this guy she's known for about two weeks. She's willing to become a vampire, leave her family, do anything to be with him. It doesn't even matter to her that he and his family could easily kill her. No, no, this is not an issue. It's not an issue because they share an intense, true love only characters in a romance novel can enjoy. I hate these stories because they set up girls everywhere for a lot of disappointment. Girls read these books and are not exactly empowered to be independent, strong women. No, they are led to believe that someone will always be there to save them. They are also led to believe that the misunderstood rebel is actually a sensitive romantic at heart, then taught to do whatever it takes to be with him.

I really want my $7.50 back. I like vampire movies, but this was just a completely unrealistic lust story that happened to involve vampires. It was pretty hilarious though, although we were the only ones laughing. Edward's turmoil was hilarious: I hate you! I can't fight it anymore, your scent is so strong! I can't hear everyone's thoughts but yours! Say that I'm a vampire! Say it out loud! I sparkle when I'm in sunlight! I have to live in the Pacific Northwest because it's cloudy here all the time!

Rent if you must, but don't see it at the theater.